Where Are They Now: Thor

The “god of thunder” is in trouble again.  Thor is now banned from every bar in New York City.  Maybe it’s an Asgardian thing, but for whatever reason, Thor likes to smash glasses of beer to the ground whenever he’s finished — you can imagine how upset bar owners can get.  Each night starts off similar, Thor walks into the bar......

Where Were They Then: Mark Watney

NASA is planning on sending people to Mars in the not too distant future.  The organization recently released the names of a few candidates they are planning to send — Astronaut Mark Watney will be one of them. Watney is a botanist and mechanical engineer.  The missions will be set around the year 2035.  When asked about the idea of going,......

Where Are They Now: Doug Macray

Security around Levi Stadium was increased last week as it was reported that wanted and suspected criminal Doug MacRay was spotted in town.  Mr. MacRay is wanted in connection with the Fenway Park robbery that happened in 2010.  He and his crew robbed Fenway Park dressed as policemen during a Red Sox game.  The criminals simply walked into the cash......

Where Are They Now: Jason Bourne

“The NYPD is still after Jason Bourne” — Police Commissioner William Bratton said as much in an interview with the New York times.  Bratton stressed the embarrassment of Bourne stealing the department’s Chevy Impala police car and causing so much damage to not only the city, but to the department’s reputation. The NYPD shouldn’t feel to bad though — Bourne has been......

Where Are They Now: Sam Witwicky

Sam Witwicky was sighted at a Washington Starbucks yesterday afternoon.  The 26 year old fled the scene in a yellow Datsun 510 sedan with twin black racing stripes before local law enforcement could apprehend him.  Witwicky has been on the FBI’s Most Wanted list since he was charged with the murder of Dylan Gould, former board of directors member for......

Where Are They Now: Mystique

In what would’ve been Barack H Obama’s final State of the Union address, the event will now have to be re-done after it was revealed that it wasn’t even the 44th U.S president giving the speech.  It turns out, the imposter was the mutant assassin Raven Darkhölme aka “Mystique” giving the address.  The secret service reported that Mystique attacked them......

Where Are They Now: Captain Dickson

We recently spoke with Captain Dickson about the successful drug sting operations his “Jump Street Unit” were able to pull off.   Dickson couldn’t go in depth or he would blow the cover of his officers, but he the Captain did give the source of inspiration for his Unit.  “To be honest we got our inspiration from Hollywood.  Hollywood is......

Where Are They Now: Adonis Creed

The feud between Tony Kornheiser and Adonis Creed continues after the two were in a near altercation — well I should say Creed swung at him and missed.  The feud started way back when Kornheiser on his “Pardon the Interruption” program airing on ESPN, said that the Creed’s family felt ashamed since they hid the fact Adonis was Apollo’s son.  Then......

Where Are They Now: Pete Ross

The IHOP v. Superman court case has been thrown out as their star witness Pete Ross actually defended and sided with the “Man of Steel”.  The International House of Pancakes tried to recuperate its losses after Superman crashed into one of their restaurants in Smallville, Kansas.  Even though Superman was in the midst of fighting one of the Kryptonian menaces, Sub-Commander Faora-Ul......

Where Were They Then: Caesar

Caesar is on a rampage!  No zoo is safe right now as Caesar, the evolved chimpanzee, is on a mission to free every ape behind bars, in a cage, or in a cell.  Animal rights activists are reportedly aiding the ape even though the animal leader has ignored their efforts and distanced himself from their organizations since they are humans.  Zoos......

Where Are They Now: Henry “Mutt” Jones, III

The Henry Jones College of The Arts at the University of Chicago is under heavy scrutiny as alumni and donors are in an uproar following recent reports revealing that a former professor, Henry “Mutt” Jones III, may have had political affiliations with the Nazis terrorist organization dating back to 1957.  Henry Jones III retired as the fencing instructor and literature......

Where Are They Now: Jurassic World

By a narrow 5-4 decision, the Supreme Court reversed the District Court’s decision to certify a class action lawsuit in which the plaintiff class, which included 19.3 million Jurassic World patrons who attended the June 12, 2016 massacre, alleged the Jurassic World company of putting ticket holders’ lives in danger after they set the Indominus Rex loose in the theme park.......

Where Are They Now: Sam Thomson

Sam Thomson, daughter of famous Riggan Thomson, made a name for herself in the digital world when she launched her YouTube channel Sam-i-Am back in 2014.  Sam’s channel is a mecca for viral content and displays the weekly outlandish pranks Thomson & friends take part in on the streets of New York. Her first and most popular video features her......

Where Are They Now: Dr. Bruce Banner

Lizabeth Cohen, the Dean of the Radcliffe Institute for Advanced Study at Harvard University, has announced today that Dr. Bruce Banner will no longer be the head of the psychology and human behavior department.  Harvard, established in 1636, is the oldest higher education institution in the country — given it’s rich history. they felt they needed someone to help them in a world that......

Where Are They Now: James Bond

Well its a new year and MI6 has released their year end budget.  Be advised the information in the reports are extremely classified so it is difficult to make out what context some of the expenses were brought forth.  However, some details are intriguing to say the least — for example, Q branch spent 1.5 million U.S dollars on repairs for two......

Where Are They Now: Dr. Hannibal Lecter

The FBI is still testing samples taken from Hannibal Lecter’s dinner party.  As it turns out the liver that was served at the party was that of a local florist’s.  The intestines were not of a pigs but of his masseuse and the leg of lamb marinade served with chianti was not of a lamb but the gardener that had......

Where Are They Now: The Daily Planet

After the devastating battle of Metropolis in which half the city was destroyed by world engines and two godlike beings going toe to toe, the Daily Planet was left in ruins.  But thanks to new investors and some sharp thinking by its editor-in-chief Perry White, The Daily Planet is set to rebuild its downtown offices. With an all new furnished......

Where Were They Then: Joe

“The mob is using time travel.”  That was the explosive statement heard in the courtroom today as hitman-turned-informant “Joe” confessed to his involvement in the organized crime conspiracy. Joe stated that mafia bosses, in a sophisticated way, were using time travel to dispose of bodies, therefore disposing any evidence that could be used against them.  This bombshell revelation has sent shock......

Where Are They Now: Captain America

Time magazine recently did a piece for its year end review issue.  The magazine caught up with the “star spangled man with a plan” himself Mr. Steve Rogers, also known as Captain America.  They touched on topics such as war, fourth amendment, alien invasions, and even what it’s like dating at 90 plus years old. Cap was very candid in......

Where Are They Now: Jesus Shuttlesworth

Comments from the league are beginning to pour in after Jesus Shuttlesworth announced his retirement.  After 20 plus years in the league, the NBA’s all time leader in 3 point field goals has decided to call it quits, much to the dismay of fans everywhere.  The 4 time NBA champ and 2 time Olympic gold winner announced his plans yesterday in......

Where Are They Now: Tugg Speedman

Dreamworks has announced the re-release and remastered Bluray & DVD of Tugg Speedman’s classic “Simple Jack”.  It contains special features and interviews offering insight into the production of this film.  Tugg Speedman goes in depth to explain how he prepared for the role and how, as he put it, “spent a lot time with retarded people”.  He’s quoted in the......

Where Were They Then: John Connor

John Connor was expelled from school for having a loaded tec 9 semi-automatic weapon in his locker.  The local authorities were quickly alerted to the scene and arrested the student.  Authorities then brought him in for questioning.   They asked John why he would bring a loaded gun to school — Connor began to tell them about a bizarre story......

Where Are They Now: Black Widow & The Hulk

E! News is reporting that Natasha Romanoff aka Black Widow is secretly dating Bruce Banner aka The Incredible Hulk.  The two were spotted leaving Ms. Romanoff’s apartment heading to a very cozy restaurant downtown.  Natasha, the assassin turned Avenger, is no stranger to tabloid gossip — she has been linked to Hawkeye, Steve Rogers and Tony Stark in the past.  But E! News......

Where Are They Now: Groot

Nova Corps is developing a language curriculum for its cadets next semester.  They are going to study many different languages from all across the Galaxy.  One example is that they will learn “Groot language” — cadets are expected to understand the differences between adjectives like “I Am Groot”, some verbs like “I Am Groot” — In addition, cadets will be trained......

Where Were They Then: Quicksilver

Quicksilver (not to be confused with the other Quicksilver with the same name and same exact powers) is wanted by the Pentagon in connection to the prison break of Magneto.  They were able trace the insane amounts of duct tape used at the scene to a hardware store that had been robbed by the speedster.  While motives are unclear, the......

Where Are They Now: Edward Scissorhands

Dr Phil had a very special guest on his show this week — Edward Scissorhands.  Presumed dead, and a person of interest in the murder of a local high school boy named Jim (he was later exonerated in the case), the ageless Mr. Scissorhands revealed some intriguing pieces of information about his life, well mainly his hands.  Dr. Phil asked Edward to......

Where Were They Then: Magneto

Super Bowl 50 has been postponed.  The game between the New England Patriots and Carolina Panthers has to be moved from Levi Stadium in Santa Clara to another neutral field.  Erik Lensherr, better known as Magneto, picked up the stadium using his magnetic powers and threw it into the pacific ocean.  No one is sure as to why Magneto did this......

Where Are They Now: William Cage

William Cage just might be the luckiest man alive.  After winning the Powerball, Megamillions, Lucky seven lotteries in one night, he was then able to successfully bet on each NFL SundayGame, every NBA and NHL games, and even the two MLS games that nobody watches that night.  His total earnings of that night were 2.1 Billion dollars. Warren Buffet offered......